Depression question



  • Hey EZA fam. I have depression and I can't take it anymore. Most places that I look on how to deal with it said to find friends, exercise, eat better, etc. I had friends to talk to but I feel like I talk to them too much. Plus, the one person I could depend on kinda blew me off but continues to talk to me like nothing happened.

    It feels like that depression drove all my friends away from me. Staying in my dorm room and the bar down the street doesn't help either. I also can't afford therapy.

    So, how do you deal with depression?



  • Have you checked with your school to see if there is any counseling or any health options available? Sometimes they have options for that sort of thing.

    Also stay away from alcohol. I'll be honest, when depressed it can feel like a relief, but it's a tough line to ride, and last thing you want to be is uninhibited and sorry for yourself.

    Friends are important, but even if you're going through a rough time, you need to be gracious and sincere. I've alienated friends through my actions too, and it can be tricky. They can only do so much, and it can be easy to bum them out or frustrate them---especially if it feels to them that you're always sad and no matter what they do or say, you remain that way.

    Meditation can help if you're able to. I think a lot, so I find it easy to distance myself a bit from my emotions and just take account for where I'm at, sometimes that helps too. Stick to what you enjoy, and if you have any opportunity to see a doctor or psychologist take it. If you have family you converse with, tell them about your mood, perhaps they can help you out in paying for some support?

    Clarity and being honest with yourself about what you're going through is the most important part.



  • I know it can be hard (especially in school) but eating well and exercising can make a huge difference in your outlook and the way you feel. I've been pretty off and on depressed for years but over the summer when I was exercising regularly I felt really great and was much more positive in general. Other things got in the way though and now I'm trying to pull myself out of a slump again..

    I'm similar in that its tough for me to go out and meet people and get involved in things and I didn't really make any close friends in college. There is a lot you can do on your own though to help build confidence.. and until then just focus on things that make you happy and work from there. For me its music, gaming, being outside, driving, etc..

    Like Rinedwithtile said, stay away from the alcohol.. at least don't use it to make yourself feel better. In the long run it'll only make things worse. I can't really speak to seeking professional help as I've never done so but it seems to help some people so might be worth a shot.



  • Well my typical methods are short lived and rather unhealthy so for obvious reasons I won't even joke about it.

    But, this is one of the major reasons I'm such a huge gaming person. My mind can only truly be at ease when I'm playing a video game, it's only when that is gone that my mind goes to other things, and I'm a HUGE worrier. I'm constantly overthinking everything in my life and my social anxiety combined with zero support systems (Family is either dead, distant, or doesn't care. No actual friends I can turn to, etc) it can be really awful if I don't have something to occupy my mind when I'm not working or sleeping which very VERY quickly takes a dark depressing road.

    So if there's ANYTHING I can recommend that you do other than the obvious, it would be that you should do whatever you can to keep your mind occupied. Whether it's gaming, reading, anime marathons, whatever. Do something that you enjoy (That won't be a danger to you of course) and just turn it up to 11.

    If nothing else, many of us here probably know exactly how you feel. We're all a little dysfunctional cyber family here, I'm sure someone would hear you out any time you needed it!



  • A lot of what I'm going to say is based on my personal experience. I've been living with depression for over half of my life, often pretty severe, so I want you to know that this isn't coming from someone with no experience who feels qualified to tell you what to do with your life. (Trust me, that pisses me off too sometimes.)

    Exercise, eating healthy, yoga, finding a creative outlet, and stuff like that can help, but they only help when you already have enough energy to spend on doing them. For a long time, that wasn't me. (Sometimes, it still isn't.) They're good things to keep in the back of your head when you feel like you have a little more energy than usual, but they won't pull you out of your worst moments.

    It sounds cheesy, but affirmations can actually be pretty helpful. At first, it'll feel awkward and insincere. But it's a "fake it 'till you make it" type of thing, where over time the words feel as though they have more and more meanings. A part of this process is identifying how you feel and finding ways to disrupt negative and unhelpful thought processes. This is called cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), and it's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I know you can't afford therapy, but fortunately there are free online resources that can walk you through the process, and in studies these online programs had a shockingly high success rate comparable to their in-person equivalents. This isn't like talk therapy, where you talk about what's happening in your life to someone who provides you with a supportive ear and a sounding board for ideas. CBT is about providing you with tools that you can use for the rest of your life to help you take care of yourself. One online resource, which is one I can recommend, is https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome.

    Another big thing that can help is to find something small that you enjoy. Something that doesn't require a lot of you, but makes you feel even just a little better. As an example, mine is showering. When I come out of the shower and I'm all clean and freshly shaved, even if I was having a terrible day before that, I feel like I have a little more energy and motivation than I did beforehand. For one of my friends, it's cooking something a little extra-special and treating herself to something she doesn't often do. Whatever the equivalent of that is for you, know that that's enough, and also know that it's okay if you take a while to find out what it is. One of the worst things you can do to yourself if you're experiencing severe depression is to feel guilty about the things that you aren't doing but feel like you ought to do. Being alive is the top priority, and anything else is a bonus. Prioritize your survival. You deserve it.

    Do you have health insurance? Generic brand antidepressants are fairly inexpensive if you do, and you can often get a prescription for it from your general practitioner. Changing medications or starting a new medication can come with side effects, and sometimes things can get worse before they get better. Usually, you'll be started on SSRIs (think Zoloft, or its generic name sertraline) because they have fewer potential adverse effects, but if those fail you might be moved to MAOIs (think Emsam, or its generic name selegiline). MAOIs in combination with alcohol are bad news, which is honestly the primary reason why they're not prescribed initially (SSRIs seriously lose effectiveness with alcohol whereas MAOIs can be potentially fatal with alcohol, though honestly given that alcohol is a depressant you're better off avoiding it as much as possible anyway). Speaking of, weed, GHB, and lean (codeine) are other popular drugs that have depressant qualities that you probably want to avoid. (Weed is also technically a stimulant because it accelerates your heart rate. It's weird, don't worry about it. Probably stay away from it though.)

    I know it can be easy to feel isolated. Depression can make us behave in ways that we don't want to. But if you or anyone else reading this thread having a similar experience need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate. I try to be on the forums a few times a day. I can't guarantee an instant response, but I can guarantee that I genuinely care about you and your well-being.

    Love and respect.



  • @Ringedwithtile Thanks for the advice. I'll take it to heart. I usually do stay away from drinking but this time...I don't know. At least it makes me forget some stuff. I don't like the behavior when I drink.
    As for the friends, a few know I suffer from this but I don't know if they care. It's like I have no one in my corner to help me fight. It seems they are concerned about themselves, which I guess they have lives and homework of their own. I give so much of myself to them but never get "your a good person from them".
    Family doesn't care. They said I'm crazy more than a few times. Most think this is a act to get attention but I really feel this way. I did take meds but they made me really introverted or risky. Docs said I shouldn't take them. My school does offer help but only 4 sessions and I already used those up last year when my grandmother passed.
    Sorry for the length of this reply.



  • @alexwhiteplays I'm touched by your words. It's hard to make me tear up but you did it. I was on meds before but the gov't/state won't accept me any insurance. So, as of now I'm uninsurable. You are right about the meds. They were either not helping or too powerful. The doctor pulled me due to some type of suicide increase. Thoughts always occurred but I hated pain so I couldn't ever do anything. Which was good.
    As for survival, that might be a secondary priority because at this moment playing Breath of the Wild on Switch is top. Thanks for being honest with me. I'll try the affirmations, that's sounds like something that I studied in a class. Thanks again.



  • @ZyloWolfBane We are totally in the same boat. I worry and overthink everything. I'll try your method of drowning these thoughts out with someone I like. Between college and projects I can't relax with time on with myself. Thanks for the advice.



  • @Faaip I totally understand what you are saying. I never had friends in school growing up. Was the one always bullied by everyone else. So, this is a strange feeling to have friends and how to treat friends them. I don't know if I could depend on them or not. Are the "work friends" or true friends? I can't tell you. When EZA formed a year ago, I felt like I had friends even though they were one sided and didn't know about me but I felt better and happy.
    I'll try to focus on the stuff that makes me happy. It's hard when you don't have the time it I'll try. Also, I'll stay away from the alcohol. I don't like that feeling that it brings on.
    Thanks for the help! I really appreciate you Allies.



  • I use to struggle with depression, as well as really struggled with ADHD. Medicine fixed the ADHD, but the depression was really tough. Eventually I went through about 5-6 different therapists and had psychiatrists have me take nearly every psych pill known to man. None of it worked. In fact I lost most of my memories before the age of 18 when it was all said and done.

    The best decision I ever made was to only see a therapist/counselor if their business didn't have anyone who could prescribe medicine. When i did that, I met a man who introduced me to mindfulness.

    He introduced to me this quote by Lao tzu, a man credited for founding Taoism. It really rings true with me, and I ended up reading it over and over.

    "If you are depressed you are living in the past.
    If you are anxious you are living in the future.
    If you are at peace you are living in the present."

    Mindfulness is a type of meditation that tries to get you to focus your mind on the present. If you want your brain to go somewhere, it's much like driving a car. If you want to change directions, you need to slow down and stop. This is used in professional sports, and the Chicago Cubs have a "Mental Skills Program Coordinator" who had the entire team focus on Mindfulness throughout their World Series season.

    There's many ways one can articulate it, I find this video to be my favorite. Jon Kabat-Zinn introduced mindfulness to the medical community. The US Military even adapted his methods to increase combat effectiveness.

    I hope you choose to watch the video. Depression warps the mind. You can hear countless statements that make perfect sense yet none of it makes a difference. The second you walk away from the conversation your mind seems to fall into a pit.

    Personally, I hated the concept of meditation. I think way too much and way too fast (racing thoughts, almost). My counselor instructed me to simply look at something in the room. Something I can see. Acknowledge what color it is, the shape, the way it feels. (He had a rock in the room for an example). Even used a candle flame. It's different for everyone, as the video says, some people can make it work by simple thinking about their breathing.

    Using it certainly helps me play For Honor much much better. ^_^



  • I've been through several bad depressions in my life, and yet I'm going through another bad one as I'm writing this. I try to remain positive when I can, but I do admit that I'm not doing so well, and I feel like worthless piece of crap at times.

    That said:

    Having someone to talk to, even if it's via online, is important. You need to talk things out with someone you can feel like you can trust. But best option would be to talk with someone face to face.

    One thing that works relatively well for me is to watch something positive on youtube (which is one of the reasons I love EZA) and play games I can sink myself into (like Skyrim) and forget the depressing stuff. Because if you can get a genuine smile during your depression, it feels good.

    And the thing with alcohol is that one should never drink it to put out misery, it should pretty much always be a social thing to do. If you can, go out for few drinks with friends and have fun, or have a gaming night with your (online) friends where you all take a few drinks.

    I know this doesn't seem very assuring coming from someone who has depression at the moment, but the most important thing is to believe in yourself. It's one of the hardest things to do when your depressed. But if you can, start a project. Anything. Like say: Finish X game you heard is good but haven't played before, do that extra tutorial that teacher said is optional or fix that door that keeps creaking. And finish that project within a reasonable time limit you set to yourself. Once you accomplish this, you will feel better of yourself, as you did accompish something. And keep challenging yourself to do more stuff, but keep your goals realistic. Because if you make your goals nearly impossible, and don't achieve them, you will feel like crap.



  • @MXAGhost A lot of good replies already in this thread. I want to encourage you to look into the CBT and Mindfullness that others have talked about as I think they will help. I would recommend this book on that topic.

    I have only my own experience to share and I want to caution you that at the end of the day dealing with depression can be done in many many different ways and there is no one right way. So feel free to ignore this if it doesn't feel right to you. Apologies for the long post.

    I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I just want you to know that the isolation you are expressing is exactly what depression does to people. It DOES drive away your friends and family and supports and interests and absolutely anything of value in your life. But that's not YOU, that's the illness doing that. It's a disease. Depression has a sneaky way of making us think that its voice is our own.... it starts externally but then sneaks in after its worn you down and after a while you can't tell it apart from your own thoughts anymore. It tries very hard to make you believe that this is just who you are now, maybe its who you've always been and who you will always be going forward

    I'm here to tell you that its a fucking liar.

    This next paragraph is my own story with depression. Its not important to know my story, but in the off chance it helps you I'll post it. If you're looking for my tips, just skip this paragraph and move to the next. I work as an anesthesiologist and when I was about mid way through my residency training I was on a pediatric intensive care rotation. I'll spare you the exact details but on one night of call there I was taking care of a small child who was very ill and through a series of events that I felt directly and solely responsible for this child died that night. It seems macabre to focus on myself in this story and not on the devastation that the parents and family went through (this still plays heavily on my mind), but for me it was a complete and total destruction of my world and my identity as a human being. I still get choked up thinking about it today. As you can guess, I spiraled into a deep and dark depression. It got to the point where the only way I would get out of bed each and every morning was by telling myself "okay, if it gets any worse today I can always kill myself tonight". Remember that voice of depression I was talking about earlier? Here are some examples of the things it did and continues to say to me to this day:

    "You are a terrible person"
    "You don't deserve forgiveness"
    "You can never be anything other than your past mistakes"
    "You don't deserve to be happy ever again"

    If I'm being perfectly honest, I don't know how I ever ended up out of that situation. I was not talking about it to anyone, nor was I seeking professional help (despite knowing better). This would only add to the depression, "you are so terrible that you aren't even worth getting help" etc.. I can still feel the hot searing wave of depression of those days now if I stop and think about it. Slowly over time though, it got to be less intense until one day I realized I didn't really want to kill myself anymore and in that brief moment of clarity realized that I needed help (that was a year later). So then the journey of healing and recovery began. Here are some of the things I learned along the way;

    1. You are not a "depressed person", depression is not who you are. It does not define you

    2. You cannot move forward unless you're willing to forgive yourself. This is the most important part. Now you might look at my specific example and say "yeah that applies to you, but it doesn't apply to my scenario" but the reality is it does in anyone who is depressed. It may be as simple as forgiving yourself for feeling depressed, or for having bad days, or for not being able to ignore that nagging voice that whispers poison in your ear. I'm here to tell you that you are worthy of that forgiveness and that you are also capable of it.

    3. exercise helps. This also incidentally is true in most of the research as well. I would be a liar and a hypocrite if I told you I exercise regularly. But what I started doing is walking to work or riding my bike. Make it a part of your routine in a day. If that doesn't work for you, then carve out 20 min before bed where you are going to go for a walk no matter what, you don't have to jog, or run or even break a sweat. But you do have to leave your home and go outside and move your body and just focus on that for 20 min.

    4. friends are helpful but only as a support network. By all means reach out to your friends, those are the people who will be there for you if that voice of depression overcomes you like it did me and you think about ending it all. You need friends in those times. But friends aren't going to be able to help too much with the constant whispering demon sitting in your heart eating away at you.

    5. Depression is not something you ever "beat". There is no end boss, no final level. Don't come at it from that perspective. The way it feels for me is that depression is like an ocean. When you're deep into it you are stranded out at sea and every wave pushes you under water be it large or small. Eventually you start to make your way towards land and then only the really big waves knock you down. Slowly but surely over time you end up on shore, but every so often there's still a big wave that gets you. The only difference is that by now, you've gotten pretty good at handling waves, and even when they catch you off guard you can somehow manage to just ride the sucker and get back on your feet quicker than before without getting dragged back out to sea.

    6. If you say it then it will be so. You will become who you choose to be. This works both positively and negatively. Stop telling yourself that you're depressed, that you're stuck in a rut, that you just can't seem to do what it is you want to. Instead start telling yourself who you are that is already in line with who you want to be. Know that any voice of dissent in this task is the depression talking. It will try to tell you things like "that's lame, or that's a really small thing, you'll never get to who you want to be etc". choose to ignore that voice (not an easy task)

    I also came across this Reddit post somewhere along the way and I go back to it often. Look at the response from Ryans01 (should be first at the top there).

    I'm proud of you for reaching out for help, you're already way ahead of me when I was struggling. PM me anytime if you ever need to chat. You will manage to get through this wave and all of the other waves that come after.

    Cheers,
    Mango



  • Thank you all for sharing. I have a lot of respect for everyone here writing about their situation. I am very proud, to part of this community when I see people standing together even in difficult situations like a depression. This discussion here at least can show you that you are not standing alone.

    Even though I did not suffer from a depression so far (as far as I know) I have developed some strategies to survive rough patches in life. (e.g. currently I am suffering from chronic fatigue and am therefore not able to work since April of 2016)
    Whenever I felt alone and unloved in the past I set a goal for myself that was beyond my current horizon. First in university I took drumming lessons. Then Salsa classes. Now I decided to start drawing even though I really suck at it. When ever I startet a project like that, I found new motivation, met new people and, most importantly, worked on improving myself. I understood that the only thing that I can really improve, is myself. And I don't mean that I wanted to change me. I just wanted to add another colourful piece to the puzzle of my life.

    Something that helps me in many situations is:
    Make the best of things that you have an influence on.
    Be relaxed about things that you cannot influence.
    Be wise when trying to differentiate between the two.

    Love & Respect


  • Global Moderator

    I feel like so much good stuff has already been said in this thread! I both warms my heart for people opening up but also breaks it when I read about what people hs gone through.

    Believe it or not, but I too went through some heavy depresion after growing up with an abusive parent. Not sure what to add that already hasnt been said. Just dont give up! as much as it doesnt feel like it - things get better! Its nothing that will go away over night, it takes time, years even for some. I just think the first thing is to learn and respect yourself for who you are. Depression sucks and I wouldnt wish it on anyone.

    Also I just want to say that I really hate the people that think that depression are a "constant thing" ...I mean like even when I was in the darkest of places, I still had good days, days when I smiled and felt "good"... even though that could quickly turn and days were darker than night.

    What got me out of it were to cut ties with the bad and process it in order to look forward and step into the light. Going through therapy and coming to terms with myself. Dare to open up and understand that people actually listen - not just pretend to care.

    I want to give the deepest of love and respect to everyone here <3



  • @Lotias said in Depression question:

    I feel like so much good stuff has already been said in this thread! I both warms my heart for people opening up but also breaks it when I read about what people hs gone through.

    Believe it or not, but I too went through some heavy depresion after growing up with an abusive parent. Not sure what to add that already hasnt been said. Just dont give up! as much as it doesnt feel like it - things get better! Its nothing that will go away over night, it takes time, years even for some. I just think the first thing is to learn and respect yourself for who you are. Depression sucks and I wouldnt wish it on anyone.

    Also I just want to say that I really hate the people that think that depression are a "constant thing" ...I mean like even when I was in the darkest of places, I still had good days, days when I smiled and felt "good"... even though that could quickly turn and days were darker than night.

    What got me out of it were to cut ties with the bad and process it in order to look forward and step into the light. Going through therapy and coming to terms with myself. Dare to open up and understand that people actually listen - not just pretend to care.

    I want to give the deepest of love and respect to everyone here <3

    That's where a lot of my issues came from as well, having an alcoholic mother who was physically abusive was almost like having three different moms, and they all sucked.

    Long story short, the lingering effects of that are very image and self worth related, which cost me relationships with friends, lovers, etc.

    Not sure if any of that caused any of my other neuroses, but I certainly can't rule it out. But yeah, the biggest issue is when there's nowhere to turn to for help, even professional help doesn't always help, they'll tell you a lot of the same things any person who's lived through such experiences would probably say, tell you it's not your fault, that it's going to be ok, etc.

    But, often times coming from a stranger (Moreso one you pay to see) that just comes off the wrong way for me. Sometimes the only real answer is to seek help from friends or otherwise kindred spirits, if not family (If yours doesn't suck like mine of course).

    Otherwise yeah, it just helps when people around you understand your problem. I can quickly go from being super hyped, and productive to just unmotivated, emotional, and just wanna crawl in bed and never leave, and it can have no trigger whatsoever, and it can be REALLY hard to break that.

    Hopefully with everyone being so friendly and welcoming here, it can be a safe haven if anyone needs help in such a way. I mean we're not professionals, but we all got baggage.



  • @lotias I think your point about depression not being constant is bang on. More along that line its worth emphasizing that its okay to have a good time. I remember being in that state and occasionally laughing at something and then quickly thinking something along the lines of "oh why am I allowing myself to enjoy this moment, did I forget about x.." But those moments of joy are so important and like you said, depression does not have to be a constant thing (though I recognize it might be for certain people at certain times)

    @ZyloWolfBane that feeling your talking about; wanting to get back in bed and never leave. Man I struggle with that all the time. My personal strategy with that has been to ignore that voice and assume its my depression talking and do the opposite but that doesn't work out too well for me as I end up going the other way and taking on too much work and feeling stressed etc. Its such a fine balance in terms of listening and not listening to parts of yourself. I think that's probably what enlightenment means ultimately.

    I'm sorry to hear about both your respective parents.

    I have to echo what @ofLoxley said in that this thread has been inspiring for me as well. It's always nice to be able to have an open and honest discussion about these types of issues. Thanks to everyone who commented and thanks to @MXAGhost for starting the conversation!



  • @Mango said in Depression question:

    @lotias I think your point about depression not being constant is bang on. More along that line its worth emphasizing that its okay to have a good time. I remember being in that state and occasionally laughing at something and then quickly thinking something along the lines of "oh why am I allowing myself to enjoy this moment, did I forget about x.." But those moments of joy are so important and like you said, depression does not have to be a constant thing (though I recognize it might be for certain people at certain times)

    @ZyloWolfBane that feeling your talking about; wanting to get back in bed and never leave. Man I struggle with that all the time. My personal strategy with that has been to ignore that voice and assume its my depression talking and do the opposite but that doesn't work out too well for me as I end up going the other way and taking on too much work and feeling stressed etc. Its such a fine balance in terms of listening and not listening to parts of yourself. I think that's probably what enlightenment means ultimately.

    I'm sorry to hear about both your respective parents.

    I have to echo what @ofLoxley said in that this thread has been inspiring for me as well. It's always nice to be able to have an open and honest discussion about these types of issues. Thanks to everyone who commented and thanks to @MXAGhost for starting the conversation!

    Yeah, it can go one of two ways. I get back in bed after dropping everything, sleep 2-3 hours...might feel a little bit better. Other times? Sleep the entire day and night away, ignore food/phone calls/etc, rinse and repeat for a few days until something breaks the funk.

    It's really awful, and I'm self employed...so days like that cost me money on top of everything else.

    And you nailed it, if I ignore that urge and that emotion I just end up stressed out and get really snippy with everyone until my only option really is to go hide somewhere before I make it worse, and you feel worse because you could make it SO much easier by explaining what's wrong, but then you're just digging all that crap to the surface again and you either don't want to burden the other person with it, or you don't want to ultimately hear their tone deaf responses on how to "Get over it" cause then you'll REALLY snap.

    At least that's how it goes for me.



  • @ZyloWolfBane Hmmm that's a tough situation for sure. I could never be self employed for this very reason, nothing would ever happen lol. I have found that for me I do need that external fire under my butt to keep me going but yeah the balance is brutal.

    I think those moments where we want to retreat away from the world are signs that we need a little self love/care. And sometimes it happens as you said by just taking some time away from whatever it is that's "draining us, or taking energy from us" but other times we might actually need someone/something to put energy back into the tank. Some of the things you are saying sound a lot like burnout and that's a tricky little nuance to add on top of depression.

    I wonder if you identified certain things that consistently fed you energy and then used those instead of perhaps going to bed that maybe it would become more consistent recovery process for you. So the desire to go to bed is the trigger that "oh my energy is low and I need a pick me up" and then you can turn to something that is that in your life. Though that's easier said than done I guess because you first have to identify what those things are.

    as part of a leadership course I once took this personality quiz that separated people into colors (I'll have to look up the name of it). I have to say it was very helpful for me because prior to that I don't think I knew where I got my energy from but once I was able to break myself down into core pieces it became obvious. It turns out I'm a yellow red which means I like to have a ton of fun (read emotions are important to me) and not focus on the tasks but I also want to just get things done sometimes and can't be bothered with dilly dallying. Whenever I'm doing something or talking to someone who is a blue (read: detail oriented, does not want to chit chat, not particularly interested in emotional conversations) its a huge drain on me and now I know that I need to retreat into something either red, or yellow. So either I need to just get a few things done (like laundry, dishes, get the house tidied up or whatever, something easy) or I need to go out with my friends and just have conversations (not much unlike what I'm doing here right now).

    In any case I'm rambling a bit now but you get the drift.



  • @Mango said in Depression question:

    @ZyloWolfBane Hmmm that's a tough situation for sure. I could never be self employed for this very reason, nothing would ever happen lol. I have found that for me I do need that external fire under my butt to keep me going but yeah the balance is brutal.

    I think those moments where we want to retreat away from the world are signs that we need a little self love/care. And sometimes it happens as you said by just taking some time away from whatever it is that's "draining us, or taking energy from us" but other times we might actually need someone/something to put energy back into the tank. Some of the things you are saying sound a lot like burnout and that's a tricky little nuance to add on top of depression.

    I wonder if you identified certain things that consistently fed you energy and then used those instead of perhaps going to bed that maybe it would become more consistent recovery process for you. So the desire to go to bed is the trigger that "oh my energy is low and I need a pick me up" and then you can turn to something that is that in your life. Though that's easier said than done I guess because you first have to identify what those things are.

    as part of a leadership course I once took this personality quiz that separated people into colors (I'll have to look up the name of it). I have to say it was very helpful for me because prior to that I don't think I knew where I got my energy from but once I was able to break myself down into core pieces it became obvious. It turns out I'm a yellow red which means I like to have a ton of fun (read emotions are important to me) and not focus on the tasks but I also want to just get things done sometimes and can't be bothered with dilly dallying. Whenever I'm doing something or talking to someone who is a blue (read: detail oriented, does not want to chit chat, not particularly interested in emotional conversations) its a huge drain on me and now I know that I need to retreat into something either red, or yellow. So either I need to just get a few things done (like laundry, dishes, get the house tidied up or whatever, something easy) or I need to go out with my friends and just have conversations (not much unlike what I'm doing here right now).

    In any case I'm rambling a bit now but you get the drift.

    Oh yeah, going off of that I'm more of the "Blue" person when I really want to get things done. And then I'm a much happier person in the work place.

    Outside of that I've found that surrounding myself with more chronically positive people has made a pretty huge difference in my every day state of mind, and as you guys might guess EZA has had a huge influence on that.

    Or, I'll have a pattern of game genres that give me the level of engagement that I need. Fighting games and shooters to work out frustration. RPGs to have something enjoyable that I can keep to myself, doesn't require any outside influences to enjoy. etc.

    Funny you should mention cleaning, whenever I'm depressed or otherwise frustrated I go on an organizing spree. Move furniture, clean everything, sometimes a change of scenery at home can lift a mood, and...if nothing else at least everything got cleaned!

    Or even sorting collectables, TCGs and stuff like that. Which like my other post, keeps my mind and body busy doing something constructive. Don't need to think. Sometimes OCD has a use!



  • @ZyloWolfBane lol that makes a lot of sense if you're a blue. Good on you dude, sounds like you've been working at this for quite some time.

    This community is definitely a pick me up for me as well


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