ObbyDent's Short Film Projects
ObbyDent last edited by ObbyDent
Names Obby (or Evan) and I'm a soon-to-be-graduated film student. Here I will post films that I've worked on in some way, either as a director, producer, or assistant director. I also have loads of short film scripts, a feature idea, and a pitch for an animated TV show but those I don't really want to post unless there's a demand for them
Here's my films though:
A long-take short film for my directing class final.
Another assignment for my final. Could not use fancy audio equipment so it sounds bad. Sorry.
Myself and two other film students and our search for a local urban legend.
A short documentary that I planned, shot, and edited all in a single week about an aspiring musician.
I was a producer on the pilot episode of this short film series.
I was producer on episode 4 as well.
I have a few more on my Youtube channel so if you guys want to give a look-see I won't mind.
In the spring I plan on producing a script that I wrote called "The Special". Will act as my capstone project for my senior year of film school.
Please leave feedback or criticism below. I welcome any and all comments. :)
naltmank last edited by naltmank
I've only watched the first two so far. They're pretty good! I like how both end with a nice punchline.
For critiques, I'd say consider holding your shots a bit longer. This is undoubtedly harder in the "oner" project, as there are a lot of external factors you also have to contend with, but it's still something I think you could have done. For example, you hold on to the girl's lower legs for several steps, but then you skip by the headphones in her hand almost immediately. Since this is actually the more important prop, both in terms of the story you're telling and also character building, I think it'd make sense to hold just a smidge longer on those earbuds so that the audience has time to process what they are. Then, when she enters the elevator, allow the moment after she hits the button to breathe for a moment; let both the audience and the character process the other figure in the elevator. This also helps make the ensuing conversation more believable, as he would probably take a breath before launching into his critique. Again, time restrictions likely played a role in this, so it's no biggie. Just something to consider.
Regarding the second short film, I think longer cuts would be especially beneficial during the egg sequence. Let each moment hang a little longer, allowing the loneliness and the monotony to really sink in. I think this would be most beneficial after she sits down and says, "Good morning all." Let us see how that moment plays on her face, then follow up with the visual punchline of the doll. This can be used again in the toothpaste sequence. Just hold a tiny bit longer after she throws the tube down and looks into the mirror before cutting to the shot of her in front of the video camera.
My final critique, relevant only to the second film, would be to embrace the wide shot at the beginning. I think that opening establishing shot could really hammer home a feeling of isolation that you need to set the tone. Then, when we go inside, we can cut to the mid/close shots that you use. This would help establish a clear contrast between outside and inside, and also give us more of an "oh, duh!" moment at the end, as opposed to an "oh, what?" moment. Both elicit happy surprise, but I'd argue that the first makes the twist feel more earned.
All in all, though, I'd say good work! Keep it up!
ObbyDent last edited by
Thank you for this feedback. I definitely agree on what you said about the long take and should have done so. Originally the script was much longer and would have been possible to do the shot you're thinking of in the elevator but I shortened it a lot to lessen the blow that the actors had to memorize (I didn't find actors for the shoot until a few days prior). Now that I look at the first I can see that this was a mistake. I should have also let the moment when she's in the elevator breathe as well.
As for the second film, luckily these are just cut changes which can always happen. :)
Thanks again for the feedback, this is really good.