Top Ten Reasons Finland is Better Than Canada

  • Sometimes, I just sit back, glass of piima in hand, and think to myself, "Man, we suck as a country". Sure, we have more space per person than any other country, we have a strong hockey history, we have a share of the world famous great lakes and sometimes, America lets us eat at the adults' table. These are just a few of the great things that make us what we are but none of them will ever change what we are not: Finland.

    So, come along on a journey to discover what makes Finland better than Canada (and every other country) in every possible way.

    Disclaimer: this is just my personal list of the top ten reasons Finland is better than Canada. If you disagree with any of my choices or feel like something was left off the list, feel free to make your own list and post it in the comments.

    Taking inspiration from @Axel , we're gonna draw this one out - mostly to accommodate research.

  • Oh my God :D You're taking the long(est) road, this'll be too much. Much appreciated, you're a good sport for doing this. :) The game was great last night from both teams.

  • Finland has much better metal bands than Canada.

    That said Canada still has some decent bands, and Finland falls behind many other imo.

  • Is this thread inspired because Finland just beat Canada in Ice Hockey finals?

  • Today, we actually get a bonus entry - an "11", if you will (or honorable mention, if you prefer).

    While not quite as "Peanut butter and jelly" as "Brazil and soccer/football", if Canada is associated with one sport, I think it's fair to say that it's hockey (ice hockey, for the uninitiated). I'm not going to go into history on it but we just have a pretty good track record. Canadians make up over 40% of the player base in the NHL - recognized as the best league in the world. After that, Canada's traditional rivals of USA (26.5%) and Russia (5.2%) hold a significant percentage, as does Nordic powerhouse Sweden (10.7). Rounding out the top five are Sweden's neighbours to the east, Finland (5%). Despite that relatively small representation in the NHL, Finland has brought some absolute BEASTS to the game of hockey (more on specifics later). Besides freakishly good players, you can expect one other thing form Finland in hockey: they always come to play.

    Need proof? Look no further than the past two weeks. Finland shows up to the World Hockey Championships with exactly ZERO NHL players and all they did was win the tournament. An outsider's gut reaction might be, "oh, they must have gotten lucky with their matches, right?" - WRONG. They opened the tournament against Canada and worked a team of strictly NHL players 3-1. They would lose in OT to the US (who strangely sent a good team for once) and closed out the group stage with a weird loss to Germany but won every other game they played.

    "Oh but they got a break during the knock-out stages I bet". NOPE. Losing to Germany meant they had to play Sweden in the FIRST knockout round. Boom, 5-4 OT win. NBD, just beat the best goalie of the last 10 years and the game's brightest young star. Next up? Just Russia. Just the best goal scorer of the last 20 years (Ovechkin), the reigning points leader (Kucherov) and the absolute freak and nightmare match-up that is Evgeni Malkin. 1-0, see you later. On to a rematch with Canada.

    But this is a different Canada. They've been playing together, gelling, getting better with every game. And it IS a different game. It's all even going into the final period. It's anyone's game...

    Coach: "Antilla"
    Antilla: "Yeah, coach?"
    Coach: "Score again"
    Antilla: "K, coach"
    Antilla: "Coach"
    Coach: "Yes?"
    Antilla: "Can I tell Harri to score too?"
    Coach: "Yes, please do"

    Dusted. Finland 3, Canada 1. Finland are World Hockey Champions.

    I would love to use the excuse that none of our good players were there and I might be justified - except neither were Finland's. Again, all NHLers versus NO NHLers. Once again, Finland came to play.

    Shoutouts to Kaapo Kakko, that guy is gonna be a star.

  • Finland loves Don Rosa.

    But almost nobody in Canada (or the U.S.) knows who he is, or even that Disney comic books are a thing.

  • @oscillator or Carl Barks. Nordic Countries and Finland love ducks while North America loves that mouse

  • @e_zed_eh_intern why did Finland not take any NHLers? Only reason I could imagine is that they are tired or busy with the league, but if the other teams took theirs it doesn't make much sense to me.

  • @bard91 So glad you asked. The WHC takes place immediately after the NHL season and during the playoffs so players may be playing late into the playoffs or could be nursing injuries, tired or any number of things. Unfortunately, the tournament does not hold the highest esteem with NHL players so it's rare to see the best of the best go. In Finland's case, two of their best (Teravainen and Aho) played late into the playoffs. Another (Laine) played deep into the playoffs last year and most believe he was playing this year with an injury. But even the teams who took their NHLers didn't really have their best, besides maybe Russia, and even they didn't have their best goalie (Bobrovsky). For example, USA had an NHL team but was missing Auston Matthews, probably the best American player today. Canada, again, all NHLers but probably none of them would have made the team if the best Canadian players had decided to go.

  • NUMBER 10 - Education

    This could be a biggie so I'll try to trim it down.

    If you live in North America, you may or may not have heard of 6-figure salaries for teachers in Finland. It's my understanding that this is highly inaccurate and teacher salaries in Finland are actually comparable to those of its neighbours and Canada - but it's not always just about the money. To become a teacher in Finland is no joke. You need to choose education from day 1 and complete both a bachelor's AND a master's in education. And that master's includes a full 1-year practicum teaching in a school. And all of this assumes that you actually get in. My limited research has found that only 7 to 10% of applicants get accepted into teaching programs in Finland. Your highschool grades are assessed, you have to write an entrance exam, you have to complete an interview and you have to pass a mock lesson while being observed JUST TO GET IN. This leaves teaching as a highly respected position and a vocation, rather than just a job.

    In Canada, the only major struggle is the time investment. It's still a bachelor's plus an additional year of study but the entry requirements are far less stringent. As one of the hundreds of arts graduates every year who turned to teaching because I had no clue what to do with myself after graduating, I can tell you that entry is not tough. Apply, give money, write a one-page essay. No interview, no mock lesson. And this was at one of Canada's top universities. End product? I had one guy in my group get kicked out of his practicum for pulling out his 3DS while teaching and another guy try to convince me that marital rape is not a thing because women trade their surplus sex for men's surplus income (we were on a bus at the time so that was great). This leaves teaching as a very vast, diluted pool that includes some superstars for whom it is a vocation and a large number of people who fell into the profession for lack of other options.

    Also, depending on your fiscal perspective you may think this is good or bad but post-secondary is free in Finland and students are provided school healthcare. In Canada, post-secondary is only partially government subsidized so we still must pay a significant amount in tuition fees.

  • NUMBER 9 - Language

    In Canada, we speak English and French. You can go to many parts of North America (including the Caribbean), Europe, Africa and even areas in Asia and be understood with those two languages.

    You know what they speak in Finland? Finnish. You know where else they speak Finnish? NOWHERE. How is this an advantage, you ask? Imagine you like to travel. Also imagine you like to openly announce to your party every time you have to take a dump or see an attractive person. With English and French, you have to be reeeeeeal covert about that stuff, no matter where you are. With Finnish, you don't even need to get on a plane. Just cross any of the borders to the west, north or east and there's a real good chance nobody will know what in the world you are talking about.

    "Oh but it must be just like Swedish or Norwegian or Russian, right?" Nope. Finnish is actually more closely related to Estonian so as long as you don't cross the Baltic into Estonia, you can talk about pooping or attractive people or pooping on attractive people to your heart's content.

    So the secret code is not only useful, it's also cool and makes the country unique among its neighbours.

    Finnish people, you should probably know what's coming tomorrow.

  • @e_zed_eh_intern

    I know how to say Satan in Finnish because of The Dudesons yelling it when they get hurt. If any Finnish people come to Canada and yell "SATAN" the jig is up!

    Also, The Dudesons should just be an entry in itself.

  • NUMBER 8 - "Number 8"

    So there's this guy, he used to play hockey. I have to admit that he was before my time but I've heard enough to understand that he was something special. On more than one occasion, I've heard some of the best players refer to him as the best natural goal-scorer to ever play the game. And in his rookie year, he made sure to prove that. Canadian Mike Bossy would Finnish with 53 goals in the 1977-78 season to set the record for most goals in a rookie season. An amazing start to an amazing career and a record that nobody was going to catch any time soon...

    Flash forward to the 1992-93 season. Wearing number 13 (as his signature "8" was taken by a more senior player) and a helmet only a mother could love, Teemu Selanne was the newest nightmare of all NHL teams not playing out of Winnipeg. There could not be a more suitable team name than the "Jets" for a man dubbed the "Finnish Flash" before he had even completed his inaugural season in the league. On March 2, 1993, Selanne started a game against the Quebec Nordiques 2 goals back of Bossy's record thanks to a FOUR GOAL GAME in his previous outing. So, after a night like that, obviously you'd take it slow. OR, you'd be Teemu freaking Selanne and pop another hat trick to claim the record and gift us the single best celebration hockey has ever seen:

    Youtube Video

    Not bad, eh? 54 goals in a rookie season. No player has even matched Bossy's record since 1993, let alone Selanne's. Not bad at all. It might be possible but it would be really tough for anybody to score 54 goals in a rookie season again. And even if they did, they would still be 22 goals short of Selanne's record. That's right, there were still plenty of games to play and Selanne Finnished with 76 goals in his rookie season. No player, rookie or otherwise, has even scored 70 goals since and only 5 have scored 60. His 76 goals and 132 points are still a rookie record AND a club record.

    Canada may like to try to "own" hockey but Teemu Selanne owns 1993...and also the majority of Anaheim Ducks scoring records.

    Trivia note: the player who wore 8 Selanne's rookie year? Randy Carlyle, who would later coach Selanne on the Ducks where they would both win their first and only Stanley Cup - with Selanne wearing "8".

  • NUMBER 7 - ...

    <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en-gb"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Apocalyptica is a metal cello band from Finland who I have been fan of for over 20 years. I finally got to meet them (Thanks to Sam Lake!) in Helsinki earlier this year. We both felt a creative "strand" to each other and I was delighted to use their track for the latest trailer. <a href=""></a></p>— HIDEO_KOJIMA (@HIDEO_KOJIMA_EN) <a href="

    ">29 May 2019</a></blockquote>
    <script async src="" charset="utf-8"></script>


    While I may be indifferent to Kojima, the popularity of this man and his projects on this forum I would argue make him objectively good within this realm. By extension, this must mean that this band is also objectively good - despite my personal inability to enjoy metal. I couldn't name you a single Canadian cellist and, likely, neither could Kojima thus making Finnish cellists objectively better than Canadian cellists.

  • NUMBER 6 - Moomin

    (Jones, begin Full House soft moment music, please)

    Disclaimer: The creator of the Moomin (Tove Jansson) was actually a member of the minority group known as Swedish-speaking Finns so I'm not entirely sure who claims her - particularly considering the books were written in Swedish.

    Additional disclaimer: I know absolutely nothing about Moomin beyond the following.

    Moomin is a group of comic book characters created in Finland by a Swedish-speaking author that I was unaware of until about a year ago.

    For whatever reason (presumably because they are cute) Moomin have become somewhat popular in Japan.

    My wife is from Japan.

    We have a baby daughter.

    She has many Moomin outfits provided to her by my in-laws.

    Moomin now reminds me of my daughter.

    This makes Moomin infinitely better than any Canadian comic or cartoon.

    (Jones, end Full House soft moment music)

  • Finland gave Moomin, and Canada .... Canada gave us fucking Caillou .......

    Seriously Canada fuck you and specially fuck you Caillou.

  • @bard91 we dont like Caillou either

  • Yeah but then we gave you Justin Bieber. So you're welcome.

  • Tove Jansson is most definitely Finnish, born and died in Helsinki. Just, like you said, a Swedish-speaking Finn, they're about a 5 % minority here. Despite the seemingly small percentage, and because of history, both Finnish and Swedish are actually official languages in Finland. Kinda not unlike English and French in Canada.