Top Ten Reasons Finland is Better Than Canada

  • @bard91 So glad you asked. The WHC takes place immediately after the NHL season and during the playoffs so players may be playing late into the playoffs or could be nursing injuries, tired or any number of things. Unfortunately, the tournament does not hold the highest esteem with NHL players so it's rare to see the best of the best go. In Finland's case, two of their best (Teravainen and Aho) played late into the playoffs. Another (Laine) played deep into the playoffs last year and most believe he was playing this year with an injury. But even the teams who took their NHLers didn't really have their best, besides maybe Russia, and even they didn't have their best goalie (Bobrovsky). For example, USA had an NHL team but was missing Auston Matthews, probably the best American player today. Canada, again, all NHLers but probably none of them would have made the team if the best Canadian players had decided to go.

  • NUMBER 10 - Education

    This could be a biggie so I'll try to trim it down.

    If you live in North America, you may or may not have heard of 6-figure salaries for teachers in Finland. It's my understanding that this is highly inaccurate and teacher salaries in Finland are actually comparable to those of its neighbours and Canada - but it's not always just about the money. To become a teacher in Finland is no joke. You need to choose education from day 1 and complete both a bachelor's AND a master's in education. And that master's includes a full 1-year practicum teaching in a school. And all of this assumes that you actually get in. My limited research has found that only 7 to 10% of applicants get accepted into teaching programs in Finland. Your highschool grades are assessed, you have to write an entrance exam, you have to complete an interview and you have to pass a mock lesson while being observed JUST TO GET IN. This leaves teaching as a highly respected position and a vocation, rather than just a job.

    In Canada, the only major struggle is the time investment. It's still a bachelor's plus an additional year of study but the entry requirements are far less stringent. As one of the hundreds of arts graduates every year who turned to teaching because I had no clue what to do with myself after graduating, I can tell you that entry is not tough. Apply, give money, write a one-page essay. No interview, no mock lesson. And this was at one of Canada's top universities. End product? I had one guy in my group get kicked out of his practicum for pulling out his 3DS while teaching and another guy try to convince me that marital rape is not a thing because women trade their surplus sex for men's surplus income (we were on a bus at the time so that was great). This leaves teaching as a very vast, diluted pool that includes some superstars for whom it is a vocation and a large number of people who fell into the profession for lack of other options.

    Also, depending on your fiscal perspective you may think this is good or bad but post-secondary is free in Finland and students are provided school healthcare. In Canada, post-secondary is only partially government subsidized so we still must pay a significant amount in tuition fees.

  • NUMBER 9 - Language

    In Canada, we speak English and French. You can go to many parts of North America (including the Caribbean), Europe, Africa and even areas in Asia and be understood with those two languages.

    You know what they speak in Finland? Finnish. You know where else they speak Finnish? NOWHERE. How is this an advantage, you ask? Imagine you like to travel. Also imagine you like to openly announce to your party every time you have to take a dump or see an attractive person. With English and French, you have to be reeeeeeal covert about that stuff, no matter where you are. With Finnish, you don't even need to get on a plane. Just cross any of the borders to the west, north or east and there's a real good chance nobody will know what in the world you are talking about.

    "Oh but it must be just like Swedish or Norwegian or Russian, right?" Nope. Finnish is actually more closely related to Estonian so as long as you don't cross the Baltic into Estonia, you can talk about pooping or attractive people or pooping on attractive people to your heart's content.

    So the secret code is not only useful, it's also cool and makes the country unique among its neighbours.

    Finnish people, you should probably know what's coming tomorrow.

  • @e_zed_eh_intern

    I know how to say Satan in Finnish because of The Dudesons yelling it when they get hurt. If any Finnish people come to Canada and yell "SATAN" the jig is up!

    Also, The Dudesons should just be an entry in itself.

  • NUMBER 8 - "Number 8"

    So there's this guy, he used to play hockey. I have to admit that he was before my time but I've heard enough to understand that he was something special. On more than one occasion, I've heard some of the best players refer to him as the best natural goal-scorer to ever play the game. And in his rookie year, he made sure to prove that. Canadian Mike Bossy would Finnish with 53 goals in the 1977-78 season to set the record for most goals in a rookie season. An amazing start to an amazing career and a record that nobody was going to catch any time soon...

    Flash forward to the 1992-93 season. Wearing number 13 (as his signature "8" was taken by a more senior player) and a helmet only a mother could love, Teemu Selanne was the newest nightmare of all NHL teams not playing out of Winnipeg. There could not be a more suitable team name than the "Jets" for a man dubbed the "Finnish Flash" before he had even completed his inaugural season in the league. On March 2, 1993, Selanne started a game against the Quebec Nordiques 2 goals back of Bossy's record thanks to a FOUR GOAL GAME in his previous outing. So, after a night like that, obviously you'd take it slow. OR, you'd be Teemu freaking Selanne and pop another hat trick to claim the record and gift us the single best celebration hockey has ever seen:

    Youtube Video

    Not bad, eh? 54 goals in a rookie season. No player has even matched Bossy's record since 1993, let alone Selanne's. Not bad at all. It might be possible but it would be really tough for anybody to score 54 goals in a rookie season again. And even if they did, they would still be 22 goals short of Selanne's record. That's right, there were still plenty of games to play and Selanne Finnished with 76 goals in his rookie season. No player, rookie or otherwise, has even scored 70 goals since and only 5 have scored 60. His 76 goals and 132 points are still a rookie record AND a club record.

    Canada may like to try to "own" hockey but Teemu Selanne owns 1993...and also the majority of Anaheim Ducks scoring records.

    Trivia note: the player who wore 8 Selanne's rookie year? Randy Carlyle, who would later coach Selanne on the Ducks where they would both win their first and only Stanley Cup - with Selanne wearing "8".

  • NUMBER 7 - ...

    <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en-gb"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Apocalyptica is a metal cello band from Finland who I have been fan of for over 20 years. I finally got to meet them (Thanks to Sam Lake!) in Helsinki earlier this year. We both felt a creative "strand" to each other and I was delighted to use their track for the latest trailer. <a href=""></a></p>— HIDEO_KOJIMA (@HIDEO_KOJIMA_EN) <a href="

    ">29 May 2019</a></blockquote>
    <script async src="" charset="utf-8"></script>


    While I may be indifferent to Kojima, the popularity of this man and his projects on this forum I would argue make him objectively good within this realm. By extension, this must mean that this band is also objectively good - despite my personal inability to enjoy metal. I couldn't name you a single Canadian cellist and, likely, neither could Kojima thus making Finnish cellists objectively better than Canadian cellists.

  • NUMBER 6 - Moomin

    (Jones, begin Full House soft moment music, please)

    Disclaimer: The creator of the Moomin (Tove Jansson) was actually a member of the minority group known as Swedish-speaking Finns so I'm not entirely sure who claims her - particularly considering the books were written in Swedish.

    Additional disclaimer: I know absolutely nothing about Moomin beyond the following.

    Moomin is a group of comic book characters created in Finland by a Swedish-speaking author that I was unaware of until about a year ago.

    For whatever reason (presumably because they are cute) Moomin have become somewhat popular in Japan.

    My wife is from Japan.

    We have a baby daughter.

    She has many Moomin outfits provided to her by my in-laws.

    Moomin now reminds me of my daughter.

    This makes Moomin infinitely better than any Canadian comic or cartoon.

    (Jones, end Full House soft moment music)

  • Finland gave Moomin, and Canada .... Canada gave us fucking Caillou .......

    Seriously Canada fuck you and specially fuck you Caillou.

  • @bard91 we dont like Caillou either

  • Yeah but then we gave you Justin Bieber. So you're welcome.

  • Tove Jansson is most definitely Finnish, born and died in Helsinki. Just, like you said, a Swedish-speaking Finn, they're about a 5 % minority here. Despite the seemingly small percentage, and because of history, both Finnish and Swedish are actually official languages in Finland. Kinda not unlike English and French in Canada.

  • @sentinel-beach Wow, that's actually super interesting to me. So is there lots of signage and labeling in Swedish? Would you say most people speak a little Swedish?

  • @e_zed_eh_intern
    Every street, city, region has a swedish name if it's different from finnish one. When going to movies there is a swedish subtitles with finnish one. Product descriptions and all. Pretty much majority has them.

  • Least I have seen them are in restaurants which are run by foreign origin people. Some have just finnish menu.

  • NUMBER 5 - The Northern Lights

    Potentially little known fact: you can see the northern lights (aurora borealis) in Finland. And they look pretty darn beautiful in the picture below. You can also see them in several parts of Canada, per the second picture below.


    Now, these are just still images of a moving object that is always changing in shape, colour and size so it would be really hard to argue that one is better than the other. I just feel like they might be much easier to enjoy when you aren't constantly haunted by the thought of becoming fertilizer in the form of polar bear poop. So, since there are no polar bears in Finland, that's a win.

  • @tearju-engi Very cool, thanks for the info!

  • NUMBER 4 - Lakes

    This is a good time to point out that these are in no particular order.

    Two countries are generally debated to be the nation with the most lakes within its borders and those countries are...oh, look at that, Finland and Canada. So it's a tie, right? Weeeeeell, if you look at the ranking of nations by size, Canada comes in at number 2 while Finland is 64. So even if the number of lakes is exactly even, this means that Finland has WAY more lakes per square km than Canada. This means if you go to your usual lake and find a bunch of drunk douche bags taking up the whole beach with their football game, you don't have to travel nearly as far to get to your backup lake. I also imagine the number of football-throwing douche bags at the beach is much lower in Finland.

  • NUMBER 3 - Hockey Jerseys

    You're going to war against the meanest MFers in hockey from every hockey powerhouse nation across the globe.

    Do you bring a leaf?...


    Or a Dark Souls boss?


    Even if you don't like the lion with swords, the blue just looks so good.

  • NUMBER 2 - Lohikeitto (so happy I only have to write these things and not say them)

    A few years ago, my sister-in-law came to visit so I was trying to find some really authentic restaurants with food you can't find in Japan. I found a restaurant that focused on the foods of the indigenous people of Canada (it's called Salmon and Bannock, if you come to Vancouver, I highly recommend). They had this salmon soup that was phenomenal. Creamy, salty and packed to the brim with dill.

    Flash forward to a few days ago and I buy me a piece of salmon with the intention of recreating that soup. I Google me some "salmon soup" and one of the options I see is this Finnish salmon soup that sound mysteriously similar to what I had eaten all those years ago. So I make it last night and OH MY GOD it is the best thing to happen to my taste buds in some time.

    So now I'm in a conflict. Both countries have provided me with delicious salmon and dill soup. How do I separate them?...

    Eureka!! I Google "origin of dill" and find that it's from Southern Europe, particularly the Mediterranean. Furthermore, the word "dill" apparently comes from the Norwegian word "dilla" which means "to soothe". So based on this research, I think it's fair to assume Finland had dill first considering its relative proximity to Southern Europe and its shared border with Norway. Finland is the OG, we're just imitators.

    Lohikeitto, look it up. Easy to make and insanely delicious.

  • NUMBER 1 - Consumption of Coffee

    Have you ever been sitting around with a friend and said, "hey, wanna grab a coffee?" only to receive the reply, "I don't drink coffee"? If you're Finnish, probably not. Nothing crushes me more to hear somebody I thought I knew utter these words. Finns drink the most coffee per capita of any nation in the world! They drink, on average, 12 kg per capita per year, which is almost double the amount of the average Canadian at 6.5 kg. That's HALF the number of annoying responses from friends; AKA doing it better.

    Oh, they also won the Winter War over the massive military super power Russia, which is super cool but I could find no record of Canada vs Russia wars.