EZA Fantasy Football (NFL) 2016: Final Update! That's a Wrap! (Dec. 30)

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    Seattle, WA (AP)

    "I'm never going to give up. I'm never going to let you down. I'm never going to run around and desert you..." Said GM Slim at his weekly rollers press conference. "...But I have FAILED you. Scoring only 57 points in a loss is unacceptable. Super Squad played a hell of a game, can't take anything away from them. I just feel like we're a better team than that and we just never showed up to play.

    My job now as the GM/Owner/Coach/Offensive and Defensive Coordinator/Team Doctor/Curfew Chaperone/Team Cook/Fortune Teller is to try and get my guys to pull their heads out of their posteriors and get mad at their lazy, pitiful, shameful, lackluster, bullcrap performance of last week. I want them to watch tape until their eyeballs fall out, run laps until their legs fall off, and then get mad, because when they get mad, we are capable of bulldozing any opponent in this league! I'm committed to excellence in two things - cheesemongering and football - and I'm not the GM of a cheesemongering team."

  • Global Moderator

    Its a good day for who ever has the NYG Defense. They are killing it.

  • @Swordfish00830
    *nods and goes to check.

    Oh, it's ME!
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  • I'm only losing by close to 100 points. I'm sure Fitz and the Cardinals defense have that much in them tonight. Time to break some records!

  • @SabotageTheTruth I hate to break it to you, but the Seahawks are undefeated when they wear their Wolf Grey alternates.

  • Technically still undefeated. What the hell though. My team's gonna give me a heart attack.

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  • I'd appreciate it if you guys would stop have three digi t scres everytime you face me

  • @TheHashtag0nist I didn't. I'm a gentleman like that.

    Also, my team is very inconsistent. :)

    Edit: Oh wait, we haven't played yet.

    I look forward to running up the score on you then!

  • Our Commish has his first win! Congrats!

  • @TokyoSlim I feel you on the inconsistent front.

    Breakdown of the rollercoaster that is coaching the Werehogs:

    Week 1 - 108.2 points.
    Week 2 - 116.5 points.
    Week 3 - 65.6 points, dropped my points by nearly 1/2.
    Week 4 - 46.8 points, still won though.
    Week 5 - 135.3 points, second best score the league has seen.
    Week 6 - 74.5 points.
    Week 7 - 42.6 points, second worst score the league has seen.

    Prediction for next week? 204 points, followed by 19 points in week 9.

  • @SabotageTheTruth You should aim for Pi. I hear everyone loves Pi.

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    Seattle, WA (AP)

    GM Slim has come out and denied the rumors that Spencer Ware is available for trade. While it seems as though he was listed on the trading block for the league since the start of the season, it appears that Ware has secured his place, at least for the moment, in the GM's good graces and has recently been removed from trade consideration.
    "Spencer, or Spence as I like to call him - we have a beautiful relationship. Like, if we were individually walking along and spied each other across a field of yellow daisies, we'd totally rush headlong into a slow-motion embrace, our hair flowing behind us like silk, and the sunlight reflecting off our gloriously radiant faces. He's not going anywhere. Unless he gets hurt, or unless Jamaal Charles gets alien robot legs and learns how to run the football again. Spence is my man!"

  • @TokyoSlim I personally am really hoping for those alien robot legs.

  • Welp, Jamaal Charles has been set free. We were keeping him in a cage and whipping him for poor performance but this morning, his cage was empty. He probably hasn't run very far due to his bum knee, but I'm in no rush to reclaim him.

  • Week 8 Update!

    Love & Respect all! Its week 8, which means that we offically on the back 9 of the season. But forget all of that nonsense! It's time to party! I won! I finally won! Speaking of which, let's recap!

    • The Boston Accents overcame all odds and defeated Persona 5 GOTY EVERY YEAR to finally get their first in of the season. Mark Wahlberg is so excited right now!
    • The Waifu Warriors had an all around good team win against the Ottawa Hashcats
    • Rufus got the better of his master, Kyle Bosman, when the Rufus Rhinos defeated the Wilder Things
    • The Transylvania Werehogs must have lost a bet because they just didn't show up agains the The Original Snitches in what was the most lopsided loss of the week
    • The Interbay City Rollers defeated Team 7.8 handily. You could say they rolled on to an easy in. But we won't say that because that's too easy and obvious.
    • Some Kind of Super Squad remains perfect against Team Must be Nice, leaving his opponent muttering "must be nice" under his breath

    And here are your standings:
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    And there will be no image previews this week because I'm late to the party since the first games of the week already started. Sorry! But I'll still list this week's match-ups below!

    • Boston Accents v Interbay City Rollers
    • Wilder Things v Waifu Warriors
    • Ottawa Hashcats v Persona 5 GOTY EVERY YEAR
    • The Rufus Rhinos v Transylvania Werehogs
    • The Original Snitches v Some Kind of Super Squad
    • Team 7.8 v Team Must be Nice (can we take a second to appreciate this match-up?)

    Good luck everyone! Unless you're facing me.

  • @TheOhrenberger Right now I'm facing you, but come the end of MNF, you will have been...defaced!

  • According to my math, Persona 5 will have his first win today, due to some freak scores and an injury on my end

  • Good thing I benched Ingram this week

  • @TokyoSlim said in EZA Fantasy Football (NFL) 2016: Ultra Week 8 Update! (Oct. 28):

    @TheOhrenberger Right now I'm facing you, but come the end of MNF, you will have been...defaced!

    Looks like maybe I should wait to make sure all my guys are awake before I sound the order to charge, eh?