What if Bethesda announces their new game as Pokemon?

  • EZA Podcast #20 L&R segment had the Allies unanimously pick Bethesda to make Pokemon, and it was a hilarious idea for them, so why not elaborate on that idea?

    Listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSJfJJYRImo&t=57m50s

    What would Pokemon look like if it's made by the "World Renown RPG company, Bethesda: Maker's of the best RPG series of all time, Fallout and Elder Scrolls" (notice the quotations). What is the setting like? What would the characters look like? How would gameplay feel like?

    First, Pikachu would definitely look like this:
    alt text
    The ugliest looking models and the worst textures. Classic Bethesda trademark.

    The world would be set in the time of war... because War Never Changes. In the Pokemon lore, Lt. Surge talks about a war that happened, and let's say that during this war, Pokemon weren't treated as you know them now. They were just considered wild animals that most people would consider as enemies that should be purged.

    In this dark, nitty gritty Pokemon game, you actually go around with a club beating Pokemon into submission before using your Pokeball. You would also throw rocks like you do in Safari zone as ranged weapon. Some Pokemon you would train and use as your battle ally (Dogmeat meet Pikachumeat), but sometimes, you just need to recover that health.

    "Indulge in our deep cooking system with all 721 Pokemon, and with over one million Pokemon recipes available, collect and master them all so that even Gordon Ramsay is jealous." - Todd Howard

  • I would play the absolute living butternut pastry out of a Pokemon Doom game. Like, A portal to the pokeworld opens but all the critters have some sort of viral rabies and you have to fight your way out. The enemy variety would be amazing, the strategies you'd need to overcome all the twisted pokemon.... oh man, one can dream.

  • Banned

    I don't think the world is ready for a Pokemon game that glitchy.

  • @Art said in What if Bethesda announces their new game as Pokemon?:

    I don't think the world is ready for a Pokemon game that glitchy.

    This is true.

    And @Whoaness I don't think it's very fair to call Bethesda "the makers of the best RPG series of all time Fallout". Since they have only made two games in the series. And the best ones were developed by Obsidian and Black Isle. I see the quotation marks, but felt the need to correct this so people don't get the wrong idea. =)

    But about the game, the characters would look lifeless and have very little persona. Gameplay would be janky and would lack actual roleplaying elements. It would have a huge world with very little substance. But you could hoard pokeballs around the world and pile them all on the floor at your home!

  • @Budi It's what they would call themselves lol.

    I think they're the worse at everything RPG.

  • @Whoaness said in What if Bethesda announces their new game as Pokemon?:

    "World Renown RPG company, Bethesda: Maker's of the best RPG series of all time, Fallout and Elder Scrolls" (notice the quotations).

    Why does everyone talk about Bethesda like they pissed in their tea? They make fun games, encourage modding (something I don't personally care about), and create some of the only worthwhile DLC in the industry: Yeah, let's hate on that. Fuck those guys.

    It's hilarious how all this backlash has arisen since 2015: When open world games became more mainstream. Skyrim's still better than the lot of 'em, you know. It's the only open world game that actually has a point to it being open world. Other games gain featureless wilderness and more walking when they go open world, but in an Elder Scrolls you have a bunch of marked and unmarked points of interest to go to. Beyond that, there's dungeons everywhere, many of them, though not all, with self-contained plots within.

    So yeah, screw your snarky thread and terrible writing.

  • @Haru17 You'll be in for a surprise when you watch the podcast.

  • Banned

    Art thou upset, brethren?

  • @Whoaness said in What if Bethesda announces their new game as Pokemon?:

    @Haru17 You'll be in for a surprise when you watch the podcast.

    I already watched the podcast. This is snarkier still.

  • They make fun games, encourage modding, and then use those mods to create some DLC: Yeah, let's hate on that. Fuck those guys.


    Seriously though, we're only making fun here. But Fallout 4's DLC has not been worthwhile for the most part. Its essentially been modding tools for those that don't know how to mod. Except Far Harbour, which was good but overpriced imo. I bought the season pass at 30 expecting something similar to F3 or FNV DLC and I don't think it has been worth it so far. Hopefully Nuka-World changes my mind.

    On topic. You'd be able to craft your own Pokemon (or Pokemon accessories), which makes all in-game Pokemon irrelevant because crafting would be super OP.

  • Banned

    @Haru17 Thanks for making me want to play Witcher 3 again.

  • @El-Shmiablo In the "Witcher 3 ain't that great" (paraphrasing) thread we articulated specific criticisms, not just memes, rants, and generalizations born out of personal hatred that is also left unelaborated upon.

  • Banned

    @Haru17 If I remembet correctly, I don't think anybody could properly articulate why Witcher 3 was bad, but Skyrim was the bee's knees for the exact same reasons.

  • @El-Shmiablo You don't have to agree, but our reasons were there. If you need a refresher, it's a game purported to be morally grey where the main antagonists are aliens who wear skull masks and literally bring about the end of the world. So, y'know, nuance.

    Oh, and someone kept saying you can't criticize The Witcher because it was a book first. So that's fun.

  • @Haru17 Spoilers! Come on, this isn't even a Witcher thread!

  • Banned


    All I'm saying is that praising Skyrim for having a big open world and lots of stuff to do, but shitting on the Witcher 3 for having a bigger open world and lots of stuff to do... Well, shit ain't right.

    But hey, what about a Pokemon game by CD Projekt Red?
    "Yo I just got yo Veridian Citu and I've already fucked Misty, Nurse Joy, and that psychic gym bitch. Too bad my Pikachu hung himself after his wife was possessed by a Haunter."

  • @pphair They're in the subtitle, friend.

    @El-Shmiablo The problem is you're operating on the basis that The Witcher 3 is an objectively better game, which couldn't be true even if I liked it better myself. That's not how art works.

    But back to your contention about Alduin: I think Skyrim knew what it wanted to be better. It's an open world, so it didn't push the main quest so hard, but rather subplots, emergent, and environmental storytelling. That's why the premise and main antagonist is so arch: It's setting up the journey, not the payoff at the end of the main quest.

    And, if you read the books you find throughout the world, you begin to understand the connection between people randomly mentioning Tiber Septim and those who won't stop shouting about Talos. And then they stop being so boring.

    Moreover, Skyrim runs circles around The Witcher 3 in terms of the world. Skellige, Velen, and even Novigrad are barren, with way way way too much land to have anything to do in it. A lot of the Skellige islands and the outskirts of Velen in particular feel like half-finished levels that you just have to walk through to get to anything worthwhile. Meanwhile Skyrim has random encounters, NPCs, quest cues, hidden treasure with an ounce of human thought put into it, and more than four dungeons meted out throughout the province.

  • @Haru17 There's no mention of them being ALIENS in the subtitle.

  • @Haru17 @El-Shmiablo
    If you want to have a Witcher 3 vs Skyrim discussion, go make a thread about it. You're ruining what was a lighthearted expansion on a joke made in a podcast.

  • As mentioned by Ian, imagine Charizard like this horse;

    Youtube Video